My neighbor’s daughter came home from  school, shoulders bent, face down, tears running down her cheeks. "Mom they made fun of me again." I have known this lovely girl for so long, but lately I have noticed that she has lost that pep in her step and the sparkle in her eyes. What happened? Where is it?

Her little brother reacts in exactly the opposite way to humiliation. He gets angry and aggressive, and his behavior is hard to deal with. Though we have two children reacting differently to the same situation, both have lost their confidence and strength.

Are our children ready to face this fast-paced and ever-changing world? Technological progress is great and breathtaking, but Have we given the same attention and dedication to children’s emotional intelligence that we have to making them computer literate? Have we given our children enough tools to be brave and persevere in the face of adversity or challenge?

THE BULLIES
First it is important to understand where bullies come from. Bullies are children who deep, deep inside feel lost and very fearful. They don’t want to experience that painful feeling again. In an attempt to regain their position, they make fun of others or they command others to do their bidding. Bullies intimidate others in the hope that they gain respect and recognition.  However, they create just the opposite situation. Unfortunately, these bullies haven’t learned how to deal with their emotions and feelings in a constructive way – they are out of control when it comes to dealing with their emotions. As a result of being out of control when it comes to dealing with their emotions, they contribute to the creation of new bullies. Sadly enough, this causes the chain of intimidation to continue.

Emotions are natural and need to be felt and expressed (e-motion = energy in motion). If not expressed, not understood and tucked away over and over again, emotions get distorted and we start to overreact. If tucked away long enough, emotions may boomerang, leaving others behind with puzzled faces looking for answers to such behavior when there are seemingly are none.

CREATING A SURVIVAL KIT
I am fortunate to have worked with mentally and physically challenged children in Europe for more than 10 years. I say fortunate because these children taught me much about inner strength and the human spirit. The children were bullied, because they looked and acted different from their peers.  They wanted to live and have fun despite their circumstances. They reminded me of the importance of the joy of life. They inspired me to come up with answers to make them ready for the world. 

During the time I worked with them, I developed a program  to teach them to recognize and focus on their strengths and how to deal with their feelings. I created a "survival kit", that taught them how to access their happiness and what to do when they "lose" it. The program included a treasure chest filled with tools they could use to improve the way they felt. They learned to see the best in each other and to disregard the rest. 

My program has emerged into several books and a special program for young children, called the Woolly Wizard. The Woolly Wizard program utilizes stuffed animals and role play, to teach children about different emotions and to demonstrate how they look and feel. The children then have access to these tools whenever they need them. 

The program teaches children they are in charge of their own behavior and feelings. Best of all, it teaches them that they can change how they feel and act. Having a choice, children learn  to be responsible for what they create. They learn , how to "flip the switch"- and use their rainbow socks to feel better. Parents and teachers also learn  concepts to reinforce the lessons and enhance the effectiveness of the program

The program also helps children  funnel their creative urges. Imagination is a natural phenomenon we all have. We cannot stop our children’s creative urge; creativity and emotion need to be expressed.  And if children cannot express emotions in a positive, energetic way, they will create in a negative way. Whining, critical children are often bored, not satisfying their creative needs Their sparkle is gone as they have lost focus on their strengths and capabilities.

The Wooly Wizard program demonstrates to children, and reinforces to parents, the need for clear limits and consequences for actions. For children to feel freedom, they need to know their boundaries. Children need to hear, "I believe in you," over and over again, but they also need to hear, "No, this is not okay; you cannot do that!" We need to be able to say to our children: "I love you, but I don’t like your behavior right now"

When children are taught these basics at an early age in an uplifting way, they are far ahead of the game and they will always remember them, no matter what. Without those basics, they may no longer be certain of who they are or where they are going. Children are wizards, we just need to remind them how to regain their self-confidence or reclaim their happiness when they feel lost.

RAISE A WOOLLY WIZARD
We may not always be able or have the time to help or protect our children. Therefore, they need to have their own tools, know how to access them and know how to use them in an empowering way. We can teach children that they have a choice to be a bully wizard or a Woolly Wizard.